He Must Increase

I am a well-seasoned worrier. My anxiety meter is almost always at 100% and if I can’t plan accordingly I usually unravel a little. I am a fifth degree control freak worry wart. The cherry on top of that huge, messy ice cream sundae is I am a first class hypochondriac. Making lists soothes me, planning out my day and obsessively writing out endless to-do lists helps me breathe a little better, and my husband has essentially banned me from surfing WebMD late at night because of the tiniest cramp in my side.

For years and years my modus operandi, in all of my pathetic brokenness, has been to collect each of my worries, my fears, my obsessive thoughts and hold them close for dear life. After all they are mine. Mine to deal with and obsess over further; mine to pillage through; mine to throw a pity party of one for. I can’t believe how unbelievably self-centered my desperate need to plan out every bit of my life has made me. How has putting my fears and doubts before Truth served me? It has only brought me farther from my Savior.

In the past, letting Jesus take the wheel was not a doctrine I had adopted. I felt like it was all a cliche, a proverb that was meant for comfort not real healing; in my mind it was still up to me to solve whatever was giving me ulcers. What a self-obsessed notion. How could I possibly tackle any of this on my own?

Psalm 37 is a reminder of what it means to just let go. In the midst of the battle God steps in for us. He doesn’t leave us to fight alone.

This past week has felt sort of revolutionary for me. I’ve been trying to plan things out and hope that God just blesses my plans instead of letting Him take control. For the first time in my life I am seeing what it means to let go and allow Him to orchestrate my life – there is no better planner for my life than the One who has already seen it from beginning to end. This reality sort of hit me right in the face this week. I felt Him press on my heart that the life He has planned for me is better than anything I could ever dream up.

“…and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you…” {1 Thessalonians 4:11}

I felt this verse prodding my heart this week. Living a quiet life and focusing on serving Him is what I’ve been missing. I have been so caught up in planning adventures and begging Him to bless a life that mostly glorifies my flesh. He’s calming me down, asking me to let Him direct my steps.

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” {John 3:30}

Living a life that magnifies the Father is so important to me. Making much of Jesus to this fallen world that needs His grace so perilously is something I aim for daily, but I feel like I finally understand what it means.

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